Exploitation is a term that we associate with selfish people and we think there cannot be any exploitation in love. We assume that people exploit those they do not love and for the sake of getting the benefit of any kind. How can we exploit someone we love?
Recently, this thought started dribbling on my mind by observing people around me, people who love me and people who I cherish.
I thought, is it possible that we are not exploiting our loved ones. Let’s take a look.
Suppose you are having close friends, who can do anything for you. So can you exploit their genuine feelings?
You start expecting that they should be present whenever you need them at your first call or text message.
You start expecting that they should remember your birthdays too. If you can remember why they cannot.
You start expecting that they should give you preference over their work and over their personal life. (How can they have a personal life of their own). You think they cannot have personal lives of their own, just because they are in friendship with you, it has given you the right to take over their lives.
You start expecting them that they should not befriend any other person. You do not like if they go out with their other friend once in a while. You cannot bear that they can be happy with someone else that is not you. (Maybe you just think, that person is not good for them but ask them if they want this or not)
You start expecting them to present for you at day and night, whether they are not feeling to go out, but just because you want to, they should.
You start expecting that they should tell you about the progress they are making in their lives. Give them a chance whether they want to or not. If they achieve something like some job or some position, you feel betrayal. The questions come to your mind such as why he/she did not tell me, I was his/her friend. I deserve to know about it.
2: Exploitation in the name of Blood Relations:
Our parents love us unconditionally, as growing up we realize it immediately. So we start exploiting them too. Let’s scrutinize it:
Our mother is the most selfless person we find around us. She always gives preference to her children over her sleep, wishes can give up her happiness for them. Our fathers, seem to be strict, but work day and night to fulfill the needs of their children.
However, we start expecting from our mother to do every work of ours, to take care of everything. We became too dependent on her that she hardly gets any time for herself.
We claim that we love our parents, but if we look closely, we should see what we are doing for our parents or for our mother. How many of us ask on a daily basis to them: are they eating well, sleeping well and doing well. Even if they say, they are, have a closer sight.
Even in Pakistani families, girls put every burden on their mothers even after marriage too. Many make it clear to their in-laws that their parents will do anything, so in-laws and husbands should sit and relax. I mean, by their actions)
Why in-laws would make an effort if they know, our daughter-in-law’s mother will take care of her things and problems. Why husband would take the responsibilities of his family when he knows his wife’s parents are there to solve all the problems.
Parents do it in love for their daughters and daughters think it is their right. Even after marriage, they put so much burden on their parents and think they should do it because they love her.
Daughters do not realize that their siblings are still the responsibility of their parents, she should now give her responsibility to her husband. Elsewise, take it yourself. At least, try to do things that you or your husband can.
Many job holders girls put the kids’ responsibility to their parents. I am unable to understand when in-laws and men know they cannot take the responsibility of the children, why they search for a job holder woman. Girl’s parents love their grandkids so much, they feel elated to take care of them.
Sons exploit their parents, especially in the name of money. They know from childhood that most things that their parents are earning will go to them. They just want to fulfill their wishes and ignore the fact of how their parents earn. The irony is after some years, the same happens to them as fathers.
Children exploit their parents and on getting negative responses from their parents, they emotionally blackmail them. They threaten them they will leave home or commit suicide.
Parents also sometimes try to exploit especially their sons. They expect that their sons should earn a good job, so they would be able to earn them back. In this struggle, they put so much pressure on their sons that it just causes depression in men.
I refer sons because, in our society, it’s the responsibility of the sons to take care of their parents. They should, they will, but stop investing in them on the thoughts that they will earn you back. Invest honestly and without pressure, they would do for sure with a sane mind. Support them, encourage them.
This is love, this is the right of the children, this is the responsibility of the parents. However, in my opinion, this is another kind of exploitation in the name of love.
3: Exploitation in the love-relationship:
This is one of the biggest kinds of exploitation, that
people do but hardly admit.
Men and women, who are in love start pressurizing each other in the name of love. I am referring to the things that I notice in Pakistani couples.
Men start liking women and claim that they love them as they are. If girls in modern attire attract them, right after their relationship, they start pressurizing them or on the name of love demands her to change her looks.
Even not in a relationship, if they both get married, the men pressurize their woman to do veil (Muslim men), with the logic that “I do not want someone to look at you. You are mine and it is only my right to look at you”.
Men claim to love a woman who speaks of her mind and appreciate her. After they are in a relationship, they start complaining to her that she speaks too much. Maybe they start feeling that only they have the right to speak out their mind and express their thoughts on daily life issues.
Men force women in the name of love to send them their pictures. First, it starts with normal pictures, then it turns into nudes. If women say they are not comfortable with it, they have one excuse, “you do not trust me, I want you to trust me, so our relationship will grow strong”. (they can be serious in love relationship).
If women say, she cannot do it. They start distancing themselves, they start ignoring their calls and text messages. At the end of the day, they exploit in the name of love by forcing the woman to do as they want.
Women try to change their man but fail miserably. At the end of the day, they have to change themselves according to their men’s wishes. Or they have to distance themselves in order to save their identity. They have to lose the love of their life or lose their identity.
Men try to exploit their women in the name of love. Why they cannot wait until the woman is ready. Their sexual needs are more important to them than the woman that they claim they love.
Most people say that in love relationship it is the matter of giving and take. Men provide financial stability to women, and in return he wants her to be sexually active for her. Men provide a home, a name (in case of Pakistani woman) to live with. In return, they want them to bore children for them, sexually active for them, always look beautiful for them, do all house chores and keep their family happy too. I wonder, she is a woman or a robot.
Women spend too much money on things, I admit it. They love shopping whether they belong to some upper class or lower class. If their men earn, they will exploit their men in the name of their needs. They spend money on useless things and then there is a huge fight at home.
A woman needs emotional support from her man. In order to do this, she tries to use her beauty. This is the only way she can exploit a man to gain money or name from him. However, if a woman is genuinely in love with a man, she is all about giving. Otherwise, she can go to the highest extent of exploitation.
People say that women exploit men by using their tears. I believe, a man who loves his woman would not do anything to make his woman cry especially on a daily basis. And if he does, he will not even move by her tears.
No one has ever exploit someone as badly as in love or in a romantic relationship.
So these all were the exploitations that we do deliberately, intentionally or unintentionally to our loved ones and give it the name of love.
