Home Relationship Family Structure: Joint family or living separately from in-laws|Pros and Cons

Family Structure: Joint family or living separately from in-laws|Pros and Cons

by Naz khaliq
Family structure /Joint family

Family structure is of two types: One can be termed as a Joint family system that is in Pakistan and in India and another one can be called living separately from in-laws.

Joint family system in a family structure:

In this type of family structure, the bride has to come to a family that consists of brothers, sisters, a father, and a mother of the bridegroom. The family size depends on the number of brothers and sisters and if his grandparents are alive, then it is a much bigger family.

In fact, some families, especially in village areas, where the uncles from the father side of the bridegroom also live there and some families, expand to at least 20-30 people. So for a bride, it seems like she is going on a great mission because it is not easy even to live with 3, 4 unknown people and here she has to live with too many people.

It’s better for you to lock your door in the Joint Family system:

There is no privacy of husband and wife in this type of family structure, anyone at any time can knock at your doors or even if your door is open then there is no need to knock at all. So it’s better for you, to lock it first.

The children of the bridegroom’s family jump over your expensive bed wet it and all you can do is to give a smile when your heart is just burning. Your whole furniture is not safe from children’s hands. Do not worry; it is just your practice because after all after nine months you must have a child who is going to do all this. 

Your mother-in-law has chosen you by rejecting hundreds of others, so you need to be careful:

In joint families, you have to greet everyone, otherwise, the consequences will be on yours. After all more greetings mean more blessings. This seems to be all right but the most terrifying thing for me is when all the eyes are on you, when you are walking, eating, laughing, your sleep timing, getting up, cooking, etc.

It seems like you are the only thing now they have to stare at. ( oh, It’s horrifying) Moreover, you have to fulfil every one wishes and you have to make everyone happy. Otherwise, there are fights of sisters-in-law (married and unmarried ) and mother-in-law finding faults in you, though she has chosen you by rejecting hundreds. Yes, you should feel proud of yourself and now the consequences are all on you. 

However, there are some benefits of the joint family system especially when you are having a child. Though it depends on your luck and what kind of in-laws you have got. Your mother-in-law gladly takes care of your children especially if you are doing a job. You do have not to worry about making breakfast before going to the job and after coming back. They take care of your children if you are ill. They are always there to console and take care of you.

If there would a fight between you and your husband, your in-laws can make him understand. But do not be much happy, this only happens when they are good people and not everyone is like this. (Do not be afraid or angry, if you are living in Pakistan, especially in joint families you would definitely know this). 


Living Separately from in-laws :

There are more chances of romance. Husband and wife have more freedom to live, as they want. The wife can get up late as she wants, there is no one who is going to raise their eyebrow on your late rising. (at least before children) But yes you have to take care of your husband more because you both have no support from others so take care of each other.

You can cook food of your choice, and normally the husband and wife almost like the same things or after marriage, they accept each other differences. There is more space for understanding each other.

 Living separately from in-laws is not as much easy as it seems:

If you are thinking this is all dreamland and there are no worries and no problems then you are wrong. You have to be more active especially in the matter of children. If you are doing a job, you have to get up early, make breakfast, prepare your children for school and husband for the office and besides this, you have to get ready too because you are getting late. No one is there to see your children and help you.

You have to be more conscious mentally. In this case, arguments between husband and wife are happening, but there is no one to make you understand your or his fault. You are sick, but you have to take care of yourself alone and also of your entire family. It does not matter how much your husband loves you, he has to work for earning and you have to look after the house and family.

The most important thing, if you are living in a separate house, you have to keep a close eye on your husband. (Sounds crazy right) In a combined family, the husband knows there is his mother and sisters who will also ask him besides his wife, where he is coming from and why late, etc. In the absence of a wife, they can also take care of this matter. While living alone, you have to take care of it and keep an eye. (Do not worry, it does not happen in every one case).

However not all people are bad and not all people are good. It depends on what kind of family structure is your preference. Living in a separate house with your husband or living in a joint family system, all depends on your preference. Though here in Pakistan, it mostly depends on others’ choices.

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