Marriage proposals are one of the biggest phases in anyone’s life. Where there is an emerging trend of getting married to one own choice, still there are customs and traditions of getting married by getting proposals.
In Pakistan, a girl specifically can get a marriage proposal at any age. In many households, the mingling of men and women is still prohibited so it is very difficult that some man sends a marriage proposal with his choice. There are different kinds of marriage proposals here:
- Someone in the relative has an eye on the girl and wants her to be their daughter-in-law. This is the easiest and most acceptable way, especially if relatives have good relationships with each other. In this method, there are fewer chances of rejection of girl and mostly love marriages can also get a green signal. However, it only works, if relatives have good relations.
- Someone saw the girl at some wedding and get impressed by her beauty, and then looking into the family, she sends a marriage proposal. This is also acceptable and there are fewer chances of rejection.
Lets come to the worst, most torturing and humiliated one:
Girls are getting old as our society has fixed the marriage age. After that everyone starts bad mouthing about the girl. Even if not badmouthing, they suggest different kinds of marriage proposals to a girl or to her parents.
The parents get worried even more with the increasing age of the girl. They accept the proposal. It is also divided into many branches.
Firstly, the girl’s parents have no idea about the man’s family. The man’s family (apart from the man) comes to the girl house, they sit and a girl comes with tea. Girl parents try to maintain everything and try to provide different varieties of food so that men’s family do not reject their daughter.
Where some people reject the girl at first glance by looking at her physical features. Some move forward with questions regarding age, education, and study.
The physical appearance comes first, if you have a fair complexion, a well-balanced figure, and good height, then your chances of being elected are high. Otherwise, you have lost in the first glance.
Sometimes, the men family comes along with the man’s father and brothers and they also demand to see the girl. Where the people say that we are the best Muslims here they show hypocrisy in this term. Then the whole family along with the men observes the girl and rejects her.
Sometimes, the family that comes to see the girl has no interest, they have found a new hobby and wander in every house of the city. I know, the man’s family has every right to choose the best bride for their son/brother. However, they hesitate to tell the matchmaker that we demand a bride of fair complexion with good education and job. They come and prefer to reject the girl.
In all these happenings, not only the girl’s parents are going through torture, but the girl herself too. She feels too much pressure to meet strangers every time, to present herself before them as some model or something in the market. They come and judge it like they are buying something and reject it and move on to a new shop. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E2uomqCdOH0
I know very well, its the right of man’s parents too to choose a good daughter-in-law because more than man, after her marriage, she has to live for them. I also know very well that men also face rejection sometimes. However, the things that bother me are:
When someone knows that these are our demands, they should openly ask and tell matchmaker. Secondly, in the first meeting, it should be compulsory that no one is going to serve them any food other than tea or cold drinks.
Thirdly, if you are not interested, have some sham and do not go to other houses just to degrade them.
The most important thing, where there is always the hegemony of men in our society. Where they always prefer to make every decision about their life. In the matter of choosing a bride, they prefer to shut their mouth. They give this responsibility to their mothers and sisters who tried to find the best.
Greed is also one of the reasons that people are rejecting girls these days. A few years back, girl parents look into man’s household. They used to see man’s income and his house because after all the girl has to shift there and he has the responsibility of the girl (as it is the custom according to religion too). However now the man’s family is also interested in girl house, her father income, her brother’s salary, property, girl’s job
The reason is the more a girl would be rich, there are more chances of a big fat dowry. Not only dowry, even after marriage, but girl parents will also be able to provide things and money whenever there will be some occasion. Moreover, there will be a fake social status that they have brought a wealthy bride. https://dribblingthoughts.com/the-curse-of-dowry/
What Girl’s parents need to do regarding Marriage proposals:
- Firstly, do not allow any male to see your daughter. If a man has no right to see his future wife, why there is a need to bring other males of the house. I am also saying this in the context of religion and also because God knows later, the same men will badmouth about your daughter.
- Secondly, clear to matchmaker (it can be anyone, any relative or friend that tell about proposals) that our daughter age is this and she has a fair or dark complexion. These are two important aspects that parents ignore and later their daughters get rejection either because of age or because of dark complexion.
- Thirdly, if you cannot afford a dowry, clear them about your financial condition. So that no one will dare to come in the greed of dowry.
- Fourthly, even if you can afford a car or house as dowry, do not tell them before marriage that what you are going to do. It’s better than to not handover the house to them in case you are giving it to your daughter. Save it for her but later.
- Fifthly, by observing the society around me, I also suggest that do not give your daughter’s cell number or allow the man directly to contact her unless you are sure that marriage is going to happen. I am not saying that they should not contact you, because by contacting them you come to know many things about the person. Moroever you can save yourself from future destruction.
I am saying that at the start, allow them to talk through your cell, after some time, by observing the people and situation, allow them to talk in private. The reasons are many and there are horrible incidents that occur because of all this. I will surely talk about them in some other article soon.
There is nothing wrong to choose the best bride for your son/brother but there is also nothing wrong to choose the best bridegroom for your daughter. Do not hurry in her marriage, just because she is getting old or there is her younger sister who is also waiting for their turn. Do not feel pressure or be afraid to put-forth your daughter’s demands and rights just because of the fear of rejection.
It’s better not to accept a marriage proposal or clear your demands rather than to get a rejection on the face for the same thing.