“Women do not need rights from men, Women need rights from women, in short humans need to get rights from other humans”. Today we are going to debate that will explain this claim.
Its a matter of time that our views or beliefs about the world start changing after we encounter with harsh realities of life. Often, our perspective to see things and people change in the sense that we start seeing another angle or the real issue.
A few years ago, I was so enthusiastic about women’s rights. (check all the articles about women’s rights on the website) Although nothing changed but after I went through some bad events, my perspective on women’s rights shifted and I started seeing another angle, another root cause of all evils.
You can see everywhere about women’s rights movements, the articles, the blogs, Feminist wrath and enthusiasm and it is usually about men vs women. It is usually a war that they declare against men and they give an exception or an escape route to women.
I am not denying the fact that women need protection from men mainly outside of the house and even inside of the house. However my focus has changed, it is now more about first women should get protection from women esp in the four walls of the house.
I have realised sisterhood is a myth and even men are better friends to men than women are to women. Before someone jumps to a conclusion about my statements, I have my own logic, reasons and experiences and I bet there would be many women who will agree with me.
- The jealousy the hate, and the belittling mainly come from the women close to you. It starts right after the birth, the women suggest the other women eat some specific things so that the newborn genes would change and turn into Angreez. If it’s a girl, there are many cases in which a mother-in-law or sister in laws makes the life hell of a woman. The mother of the woman also takes a big sigh of sadness that why the gender was not reversed. If a newborn girl has a dark complexion, the all sort of Nuskhas and Totkas will be referred to the new mother.
- The women make fun of other women’s outfits. I could not stop my hands from writing after reading this harsh reality that when you enter a party, at or a family function, at a wedding, in short, any sort of family gathering or social one, women are the first to make fun of other women’s outfits. How many times she has worn this dress before? How expensive or cheap her dress is? How she is not wearing the dress according to her age!
- All the questions of why u still did not get married, when will u get married, u should get married, that woman is running out of time, that woman is characterless, it will be her fault that her husband left her, it will be her fault that she is unable to bear a child. If a woman is wearing the same outfit, “how many times she will wear the same dress”? “That woman is not looking married as she is not wearing all the jewellery and is simple”.
- If a woman dares to speak against injustice then her fellow women will throw her into the mud with the comments such as “she will ruin her marriage”. If a man starts liking another woman after marriage, then the fault is either his wife or the second woman.
- When the women of men’s families look for a marriage proposal for their son, they try their best to find the best match by rejecting many girls. It is not wrong to search for the best, but the criteria are toxic and show an ugly mindset. They look for a young educated girl with a fair complexion and no marks on her face.
Furthermore, weight and height are also considered so she will look best (in most cases much better than their son) with their son. However, after a few days of marriage, the same women of men’s families start finding her problematic for any rubbish reason.
- In Pakistani households, where more than 90 per cent of people live in the Joint family system, women from men’s families are responsible to ruin their marriage or at least ruin the mental peace of the newlywed. The enthusiasm and so-called happiness of men’s mother and sisters vanish after he starts showing love to his wife.
- There are many real-life stories where the mother of a man starts getting jealous and starts competing with her daughter-in-law in every sense. There are mothers-in-law who start having problems with daughter-in-law that she is trying to snatch her son. If she is unable to control it, she emotional blackmail her son and even forces him to divorce ( I know a man is not a child, he should know what is wrong and right, but right now we are discussing problematic women)
- In the case of a man’s sisters, the situation is sometimes even worse. Even if they are married, they will start comparing their lives with their brother’s wife’s life. All jealousy that turns into hate almost ruins the beautiful relationship. In some cases, where men realize and have the brain, they know that now the wife is their responsibility and she should be the most important person in their lives, and they start distancing themselves from their family. However, the blame is still on the wife of the man to prove that she ruined a happy family.
A Small Incident of my Life:
I still remember an aunty advising me that “beta it is a woman who compromises in a marriage, men are like this. You should bear everything and pray to Allah, He will definitely listen to you one day. What if he takes drugs, you should try your best and pray that he will change, otherwise, this is what life is”
These are the exact words that I listened to and thought this is the reason many men are like this, because of these kinds of mothers or women. She also blamed me that I am not compromising on a particular situation and how women of this age have stopped taking sh*t of society.
She narrated her life experience “my husband was abusive and cheated on me many times but I did not leave and prayed to Allah that only my death bed will be out of this house” (is ghar main meri doli ayi hai tu wapis janaza hi jae ) and the only way she survived is, her husband died of cancer. The point is if women will start taking sides for women be it their mothers-in-law and point out the mistake of their sons, correct them or scold them, things would be better.
Perhaps this is also true that women as mothers should start teaching their sons to respect every woman other than their mothers or sisters. I am not saying men as fathers are exceptional but still, we should ignore the women part. The women who teach their sons empathy become successful in making them great humans. (at least 99 per cent)
There is hardly any woman who will make her son sit before a wedding and advice him to treat his wife well, to teach him that now she is going to be an integral part of his life. There is no one, but I have seen or listened to women saying or taunting their sons that they will change after their wives will come. I see the women doing emotional blackmailing on their sons so that they will be the same (to make them sit near to them late at night while their wives wait in their room).
I see the women as sisters who emotional blackmail their brothers not to give their wives a higher place in their lives, but in the case of their husbands, they want everything. I see the sisters on daily basis who claims that they care more about their brothers than their wives while they have different approaches to their own married life.
I have seen more than 90 percent of women in common households selfish, jealous and without any morals.
Perhaps we should also change our perspective by changing our focus “Women do not need rights from men, humans need rights from humans”. It is also an irony that there is hardly any sisterhood exists and it is true that Sisterhood is a myth while the bro code still exists, it also protects the criminals but that is another debate.